That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
