she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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