After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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