I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
