That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
