will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
