I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
