also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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