you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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