just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
