I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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