I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
