Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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