you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize