I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
