We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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