somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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