I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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