ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
