I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Everything about him screamed your future.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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