Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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