our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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