It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
