don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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