I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
