I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
