Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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