I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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