420 ftw
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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