The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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