If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
