Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
