I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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