the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
