and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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