rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
