Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
