What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Never joke about your clitoris.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
