just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
