This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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