i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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