the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
