Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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