Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
