Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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