My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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