I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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