Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
