Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
