ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
