I didn't shave. On purpose
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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