you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
