life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here