I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize