Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.