Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
