I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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