i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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