I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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