My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
