when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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