LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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