I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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