Sacagawea was the original milf.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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