Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
