are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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