I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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