I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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