Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
