If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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