But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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