he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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