you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
