Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
