And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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