you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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