He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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