return my video game
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
