but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
40s are totally the cure
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
